Turbulence inside

Well it's finally here. I just got home from my last day of work before flying overseas tomorrow. I feel very turbulent right now and I'm not even on a plane yet. 

I feel excited. This is my first overseas trip in about 8 years, and only my third overseas trip ever. I love travelling, I love flights, and i love family. I love rest, I love new places and I love shopping. How can I not be excited about almost 3 weeks where all these "loves" get to be experienced at once! I am already waking up at 3am and then 6:30am every day with butterflies of anticipation. I dress to think what time the adrenaline will wake me in the morning - I don't fly out of Auckland till midnight!!! 

I feel humble. There is no way I would be going to my brothers wedding if it was not for the generosity of my husband, parents and grandparents. We just couldn't afford this trip, not even the food costs. But it has all happened for me anyway. What amazing blessings of love i have been shown!! I haven't seen Daniel in over 11 years now, and am just so grateful to my family for making this happen for me, and my friends for helping me in so many ways.

I feel guilty. So many well meaning friends have exclaimed "how can you leave your babies for that long!!". This makes me feel like a terrible mum and wife. How dare i go off and leave my family for a self indulgent holiday?! To be honest, I can only do it because of Marty. Knowing he is going to be there before and after school every day makes me feel at peace. He's an amazing daddy. I know it's going to be tough without me but he hasn't complained once about me going. 

I feel sad. I would love to be taking Marty. I hate the idea of seeing new places, flying to exotic locations and just "being" without my best friend and love of my life. I know that every time I see something my kids would love, I will pine for them and wish I could have taken them. 

I made up these little bags for each of my family members while I am gone. They get to have a "kiss" from mummy every day I am away, and also they get a wee word of love, a prayer or a scripture from their mummy. 

My next blog will be no doubt from Singapore, or from Scotland...please say a prayer for  my family and for me. Xxx and may I just add - praise God for the Internet and Skype....I will still see my family every day. :)